Wow. It’s kind of weird to think that this journey is coming to an end. As I think back on my experiences over these past months, I find myself feeling a wide range of emotions coming back.
I mentioned it only briefly at the time because I didn’t want to alarm anyone. My first few days and weeks in Barcelona were tough. My very first night was, in fact, very difficult; I’ve never had a panic attack before, but I believe that if someone were observing from the outside, they would have described my actions and thoughts as such. I shed a lot of tears that night, and have shed even more over the following thirteen weeks.
However, as time went on, I eventually started to enjoy the city. Barcelona’s walkability is an aspect I’ll certainly miss. I’ll miss how this city feels alive in a way that’s different from Winnipeg. There are always people around, music, sand-castle builders, dogs and owners playing fetch, joggers, street performers. I’ll miss being the view of the sea and the mountains at the time. I’ll certainly miss the weather too — not to rub it in for the folks back home, but I went to the beach four times in October, twice in November, and there were a number of great sunny park days!
I’ve recently given myself permission to “be on vacation”, and my last few weeks have felt much freer. I haven’t done a lot of “touristy” stuff — 8€ to sit on the famous Parc Güell benches? really? — but I am treating myself to dinner out, or even gelato. These last weeks have been a nice way to wrap up this trip.
So, there’s a bit of sadness as I bid farewell to my temporary home.
Do I have any regrets?
Is there anything I wish I could have done differently? Would I change anything I’ve done these past months?
The truth is, I don’t believe so. I’ve had such a wide range of thoughts and emotions that I don’t think I can pinpoint one thing that I’d want to change. I’ve thought “this is so boring”, “this is nice and peaceful”, “I’m lonely”, “oh, god, I quit my job”, “what am I doing here?”, “I’ll let myself enjoy this moment right now”, “what if this is a mistake?” and I’ve gone through this spectrum at different times. I’m. even feeling all of these thoughts / emotions as I write this. All the things I did and didn’t do are what brought up these feelings.
I know that I needed to be alone with the icky feelings and the tears to peel away layers so that I can get closer to being in touch with my inner-self. Now that I’ve shed this excess baggage, I know wherever I go now, I’ll have that much less weight to carry around with me.
What’s next?
Good question.
I haven’t thought much about what comes next in my life. In fact, I’ve done my best to think only about my present situation, and leave the future for later. I don’t know what my employment is going to be. All I know is that I can’T wait to be home with my husband and so that we can start the next chapter together.
As I end this blog post, I’ll leave you with a few photos that I took while I felt at peace.
We’re so happy that this has been a worthwhile experience for you, even if it was difficult at times.
We can’t wait to see you again….be well and travel safely.
Lots of Love
Mom and Dad
It sounds like you’ve had a fabulous journey! You should be proud that you put yourself out there and allowed this experience
Sounds like a powerful and transformative time. Bravo to you for having the courage to take it!